ATTENTION CREW OF THE S.S. ORIOLE:
This is your Captain speaking.
DON’T PANIC.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m going to take some time to answer your most frequent questions. We’ll call this information the MFQ.
Where are we?
Great question.
Did our ship crash-land on an unknown planet?
Yes.
Does this planet have breathable air?
Yes! The atmosphere of this planet (we’ll call it Planet Ramblewood for now) is primarily made up of nitrogen, but it does contain a significant amount of oxygen molecules. Thank goodness! We have thoroughly tested it, and confirmed that Festopians do NOT need to wear helmets while exploring Planet Ramblewood.
Is the planet populated?
We have encountered a number of rather large hostile creatures. But, do not panic! We have also encountered tiny friendly creatures to whom we have given the name: Fruitmin. They are curious beings and we are attempting to learn more about them. Your assistance is vital in this effort.
Where is our ship?
Another great question.
What happened to our ship?
Upon entering the atmosphere of Planet Ramblewood, the S.S. Oriole went through a number of changes. First, it began to break apart. The crew capsule landed safely, and we were able to evacuate. We do not know where the other ship parts landed, but we hope to find out. Your assistance is vital in this effort.
Shouldn’t large segments of a giant spaceship be easy to find?
Well… You see, things on Planet Ramblewood are very large. And the S.S. Oriole is very small.
The S.S. Oriole is a standard sized ship.
That’s not a question, but I see where you are going with this. After the crew capsule crashed and we evacuated, the capsule… miniaturized.
Miniaturized?
Yes. It’s very small now. We believe the other ship parts went through a similar process. We are working on a way to maxiaturize the ship, but in order to do that, we’ll need all of the parts.
How can we help?
Surviving on this planet, recovering the ship parts, and fueling the ship, is a crew-wide endeavor. It will take all of us… or at least many of us. If you wish to participate, come to the S.S. Oriole Temporary Command Station, also known as the ARG Help Desk, and ask for the Captain (that’s me) or the Executive Officer. We will give you our most up to date briefing and set you up with everything you’ll need. We’re relying on you!
If we do all of the things that you mentioned, will we be able to go home to Planet Festopia?
I sincerely hope so.
I hope that answered all of your questions! If you have more of them, come to the S.S. Oriole Temporary Command Station. Please note that, as we need to build the station, it will not be open until 2pm on Thursday the 11th of June. Until then, sit tight.
This is your Captain, signing off.